The Butt Ugly Weblog

Things I've learned about food recently

Ever since the kid started on non-breastmilk, life has become rather fascinating. It's one of the major steps out of babydom, and the journey of discovery is fascinating for, well, the whole family.

Here are some of the things I've learned recently:

• Porridge is as much as a paint as it is food.
• Everything tastes better when eaten directly off the table
• Any food can be bounced off the floor. Even oatmeal.
• Blackberries turn the poo, well, black. No need to call 911.
• Any food tastes better with a song.
• Best songs consist of a single syllable and no melody, repeated ad infinitum. E.g. "LOL"
• Though Imperial March and Star Wars main theme work fairly well too to open "the docking ports".
• Rotating the spoon while humming Blue Danube might not work, but at least it amuses the father. Requires viscosity and adhesion of the food to the spoon to be above a certain level.
• My accuracy at hitting randomly moving objects has improved radically over the past few months. Even though the mouth of a child can seemingly rotate to the opposing direction of the head, I can still hit it. Most of the time.
• Feeding behind the corner is surprisingly easy, after you have had a bit of practice.
• All foods are suspicious at first. Especially the ones you've had before.
• Eating is an equipment sport. The sheer amount of anatomically formulated baby spoons outnumbers the amount of possible body configurations by at least a factor of four. Makes you wonder.
• A hand can be faster than the eye. No magician required.
• Shoes are a food group. As are soft puppet animals.

(Updated on 15th - forgot about shoes.)